


Notice Me (I'm Drowning Here)

by motor_mouse



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motor_mouse/pseuds/motor_mouse
Summary: Meeting Maggie Sawyer is like finally waking up when she didn’t even realize she was asleep.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just have a lot of feelings about Alex Danvers and what she may or may not have gone through in her life.

When she’s seven years old Alex Danvers decides dancing is pretty fun and so she asks her mom to sign her up for dance class. The first time she actually has a performance she is very nervous. But she thinks if she gets scared she can just look out and find her parents and she’ll be okay.

So that’s what she does and she is disappointed to see that her mom isn’t there- she did mention something about having to work late. Her dad is there though, and he’s smiling so brightly up at her that she thinks maybe just having her dad there is enough.

… … … … …

When Alex is a little bit older she gets a sister. No, it’s not really the conventional way, but she gets a sister none the less and she’s actually kind of excited about it. They listen to music and watch a lot of movies and spending time with Kara is actually a lot of fun.

She tries not to let the fun of having a sister be spoiled by her mom. She’s pretty sure Kara is more important than her at this point and she _gets_ it. Kara is an alien and her cousin is Superman and she’s one of the kindest people Alex has even met. Seriously, she stepped on a spider one of her first days on earth and she actually felt guilty about it for hours.

Alex, however, just felt relieved. Spiders have no business having that many legs.

… … … … …

A year or so after Kara arrived she starts to really notice boys. So much so that she doodles their names in her journal with hearts around them like the girls in the movies do. Alex doesn’t really understand- it’s kind of a waste of paper if you ask her.

Kara bonds with a few other girls at their school who also really like boys and don’t think it’s weird that Kara doodles their names. Alex wishes she could make friends as easy as Kara does; she needs someone to talk about her everlasting state of confusion. She contemplates a journal of her own but decides against it and instead turns to science.

Kara gets a boyfriend and Alex wins first place in two different science fairs over the course of their relationship.

… … … … …

Alex gets asked to senior prom by a soccer player that Kara has thought was cute for years. When Alex tells her sister, Kara gets short with her and Alex wants to tell her that she has nothing to be jealous about, Alex has no feelings for him. But admitting that out loud feels like something she shouldn’t do. Kara is acting like this for a reason and Alex thinks maybe she should feel something for this boy and it’s probably weird that she doesn’t.

Kara is only a sophomore but she gets asked to the prom by the quarterback of the football team and after that she stops being different towards Alex. Alex tries not to think too hard on it, just glad that Kara is back to being her happy bubbly self with her. She missed her sister in the few days where she wasn’t really talking to her.

Alex looks nice in her dress, according to her mom. When she looks in the mirror she thinks that maybe she does but she’s not necessarily comfortable in the dress so looking _nice_ doesn’t feel worth it.

Kara looks stunning in her dress, according to her mom, the quarterback and even the soccer player. Alex tries not to feel upset that they all clearly think Kara looks better than she does because she has to agree, Kara looks really good.

Alex doesn’t enjoy dancing as much as she used to but she tries to enjoy prom. Soccer player is kind and doesn’t step on her feet and she can tell that he’s really trying which counts for something.

Kara wins Prom Queen despite only being a sophomore. Her date wins Prom King and almost everyone is incredibly happy for them. The only person who actually seems upset is the cheerleader Alex thought was going to win Prom Queen and she thinks her feelings are justified because this is _senior_ prom.

Alex hugs her and Kara looks so happy that the brief moment of _this isn’t fair_ fades away and Alex is happy for her.

Not long after the crowning of Prom King and Queen, Soccer Player asks if she’s ready to go. She thinks that he is going to take her home but they end up outside of town and he kisses her. Alex feels a wave of something roll through her and it’s not exactly pleasant. She tries to ignore it and they kiss some more and Alex doesn’t like it but this should feel fine, good even, and she wants so desperately to be a normal girl for one night that she doesn’t stop him when his hand starts creeping up her dress.

When she gets home almost an hour later than her mom’s set curfew she expects some sort of punishment but her mom barely notices. She’s busy fussing over Kara and being _so proud_ that Kara won Prom Queen.

Kara looks at Alex and it’s the kind of look that makes Alex think that she _knows._ Alex avoids her eyes and hurries upstairs. She has never wanted to take a shower more than in that moment.

… … … … …

In college things a different.

Kara not being around all the time has made Alex lonelier than she cares to admit. She tries to make some friends but she’s always been kind of nervous around girls her age. They don’t really have anything in common.

Alex probably drinks too much too often but it’s _college_ and whose going to stop her?

She meets a girl named Kelsey near the end of her first semester and the loneliness goes away for a while. Kelsey doesn’t think Alex is weird and doesn’t talk about boys that much and Alex appreciates her. They spend a lot of time together.

They go home for the holidays with promises to talk at least once a day. But life back home is busy and, “once a day,” becomes, “once every couple of days.” Alex doesn’t like how much she misses Kelsey. It’s an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling and she wants it to go away.

She doesn’t like feeling like she needs someone’s company more than they need hers.

Kelsey has a boyfriend when they get back from the holiday break and it’s new and exciting for her and Alex _hates_ the way it makes her feel. They don’t spend as much time together and Alex lets herself be forgotten.

If she’s being honest she almost missed the lonely nights of drinking anyway.

… … … … …

The DEO is the second biggest thing to ever happened to her. Kara is the first.

She feels useful and important and she almost doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. They’re so foreign to her.

When Kara comes out to the world Alex feels many different things.

Terrified is at the forefront of her mind because now _anything_ could happen to Kara and no matter how good an agent Alex is she might not be able to stop it.

She also feels hopeful, because her sister could and will do so much good for the world.

… … … … …

Meeting Maggie Sawyer is like finally waking up when she didn’t even realize she was asleep.

Maggie is smart and strong and capable of so much and for whatever unexplainable reason Alex is instantly drawn to her.

When Maggie takes her hand Alex feels a wave of something so unlike what she felt with her prom date all those years ago. It makes her feel warm, comfortable.

Watching Maggie kiss her girlfriend rips that feeling straight from Alex’s lungs and she doesn’t know why.

A small part of her does know but Alex has been ignoring that thought for so long she almost doesn’t notice it anymore.

When Maggie tells her that she got dumped Alex feels a rush of emotions hit her and she is pretty sure most of them aren’t what a _friend_ should feel.

… … … … …

After Maggie says… what she says, Alex feels like a rug was pulled from underneath her. By the end of that night she has analyzed a large chunk of her life and realized that Maggie is probably onto something. She wants to tell Kara- tries to- but they get interrupted.

Alex tries not to be irritated by Lena Luther. In fact, she uses this intrusion to her advantage.

She gives Lena a good, long, once-over and comes to a couple different conclusions.

One being that this is a _very_ attractive woman.

She also notices how Lena looks at Kara like she hung the stars in the sky. She feels a wave of sympathy for this girl that she barely knows because she knows that look, imagines it’s been on her face every day since she met a certain someone.

The relief on Lena’s face when she learns that Alex and Kara are just sisters is another look Alex is sure she’s had recently.

… … … … …

Alex finds Maggie at a bar and she originally wanted to comfort her after what happened- but then Alex word-vomits all over the girl.

The look on Maggie’s face is so sure and kind and calming. It makes Alex feel safe, which scares the crap out of her, so she runs.

She gets home far quicker than she would have liked and she can feel the emptiness of the walls around her weigh her down and she desperately wants a drink.

Her phone dings and it’s a message from Maggie and when Alex goes to open it she realizes she’s shaking.

**_Breathe Danvers. You’re okay. -Mags_ **

Those simple words shouldn’t mean so much to her but they do and Alex realizes in that moment that she’s in real trouble because she could fall so easily for this girl.  

It’s terrifying, having these feelings.

But maybe, after all of this time of thinking she’d never have them, they’ll be worth it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I don't write very often these days so hopefully it wasn't too rough.


End file.
